ORAL SEX - THE CIRCLE

Place his stiff cock inside your mouth but do not tighten your lips around the shaft. With your head begin a circle motion. The cock will slide to different places in your mouth as you continue the circle motion. Watch your teeth on this one.

A kneeling position will suffice but it is also effective when your partner is on his back and your head is directly over his cock. The circle should be executed in both clockwise and counterclockwise motions in a slow purposeful manner.

Sexual Foreplay

What is foreplay?

Foreplay is anything before the act of intercourse that gets you excited. It takes women a lot longer than men to get aroused. A woman needs a lot of kissing, caressing, and caring words. Wherever you begin, make sure it's comfortable and private. You want no interruptions.

How important is kissing?

Kissing is a great form of foreplay. It can also be wildly exciting in itself. Start your kissing slow and gentle, but be firm and authoritative. Don't immediately open your mouth. Focus on using your lips to kiss her cheeks, her chin, and her neck. Then you can draw her lower lip into your mouth and run the tip of your tongue across her teeth. Caress her while you are kissing her. When you start to use your tongue, try to keep your tongue slightly pointed and play little games with her tongue. Try focusing on teasing her a little. One thing you also might want to do is explore her gum line a little. That area can be very sensitive.

What should I do with my hands when I am kissing her?

What you do with your hands is very important in arousing a woman. As the kissing goes on fondle her through her clothes. Gently caress her breasts and locate her nipples through the garment. While you are kissing her lips and massaging her breasts, begin to unbutton, unzip, or slip down the top of her garment. As you are pulling her garment down, kiss along her sensual areas. The key to undressing is to take a lot of time with each item of clothing and as you remove each part of her clothing show special attention to that area.

Where are her erogenous (sensitive) zones?

Each body part is an erogenous zone, so treat it accordingly. Take it portion by portion. Rushing shows little confidence, so take it slow. Remember the best takes time. Pay special attention to these sensitive areas:

Toes, lips, lower back, gums, teeth, tongue, nipples, earlobes, eyebrows, buttocks, ears, temple, inside of thigh.

Why is teasing so important?

A woman wants self control in a lover. Bringing her slowly to what she wants sexually is the key to all female pleasure. Be patient and wait until she is delirious, craving and begging for you. Women love it when a man takes time to get to the point and just simply delays for a while. Until a woman's desire is intense, she enjoys being touched non-directly. For example, before a man should touch her breasts, he first should circle them for a while, getting closer and closer. Instead of just touching a woman in her most sensitive places, a woman wants to be teased or led up to the place where she is longing to be touched. You need to remember and focus on delaying direct stimulation to increase a woman's pleasure. You should never touch a woman between the legs until you are sure she is wet. A skillful male will first stimulate a woman's least sensitive areas first, defined above. The best way to tease a woman is by giving a little and then backing up to start over again.

What happens physically to a woman when she gets sexually aroused?

When you first excite a woman, her body goes through a number of physical changes.The most noticeable change you go through is the erection of your penis. A woman's vulva becomes congested with blood, just as your penis does. The labia majora swell and this causes them to draw back, exposing the inner lips and the entrance to the vagina. The inner lips may swell and change to a darker pink. The clitoris may also swell and stiffen. Another noticeable effect of sexual excitement in a woman's body is the secretion of lubricant by glands inside the walls of the vagina. This prepares the vagina for the insertion of your erect penis.Your partner's nipples will may stiffen and her breasts can swell. Her vagina will relax and deepen to give your penis plenty of room.

How can I tell if she's having an orgasm?

She will first feel her orgasm in the lower section of her vagina. The vagina will begin to contract rapidly and her anal muscles will contract involuntarily. Her urethra muscles go through the same spasm. During your partner's orgasm, her nipples will remain erect. Immediately after orgasm, her vagina will become very juicy with lubricant. The nipples gradually soften and the vulva loses its swelling.

Couples Recovering From Sexual Addiction

Sex addiction is a family disease. Both partners have been part of the problem and both can participate in the recovery process, individually and together. Couples who are willing to identify and to work through individual issues such as family of origin difficulties, possible past traumas or neglect, and the need for better skills to cultivate intimacy, can do well in recovery.

Couples who do well:
1. Have made their individual recovery a first priority,
2. Both connect with others through attending 12-step meetings as well as reach out to others for support,
3. Usually have individual and couple counseling to identify systems that no longer work,
4. Accept that couple recovery is a challenging and evolving journey,
5. Read books and employ audiovisual resources for information,
6. Are willing to grow spiritually,
7. Have a strong respect for a commitment toward each other.

WHAT TO EXPECT
The first three to six months of couple recovery are usually the most stressful. Both partners will experience a wide range of powerful feelings. There are often difficulties in the areas of communication styles, intimacy levels, sexuality, spirituality, parenting, past trauma, and finances. Identification of the sexual addiction/coaddiction systems, although painful at first, holds hope for eventual relief of the far greater pain of the addiction.

The following is a list of what to expect in the early stages:



Relief: The addict usually finds a great sense of relief after admitting the secret of the addiction. The end of the double life and shame may bring a premature sense of accomplishment, which needs to be reinforced by attending meetings, going to therapy, and connecting with program friends for support. Coaddicts also feel a sense of relief at the end of secrecy and validation of their experience of pain.


Anger: Both partners can expect to experience anger. The revelation that the life partner is a sex addict may trigger much anger mixed with legitimate hurt and betrayal. The addict feels anger about the need to make changes as part of recovery. Both partners may blame and shame the other.


Hope: The work being done by both partners can bring new life and hope to the relationship. Both partners are encouraged to work in therapy and attend separate 12-step meetings as well as couples meetings such as Recovering Couples Anonymous.


Self-esteem: The self-esteem of both partners initially may worsen but with continued work will improve.


Intimacy: Recovering couples begin to communicate at a more intimate level, often on issues they have never discussed before. Communication skills such as empathic listening, being respectful, and expressing vulnerability, are essential to both partners' recovery.


Grief: The addict experiences pain over the loss of their "best friend," the addiction. The co-addict mourns the loss of the relationship as it was imagined to be. Co-addicts often berate themselves for not having been aware sooner of the addiction.


Sexual issues: Sexuality has a different meaning in recovery. The goal becomes intimacy rather than intensity. Abstinence, and later the frequency, types, and quality of sexual contacts, are issues that the recovering couple must address. Past sexual relationships as well as possible past child sexual abuse of either partner need to be explored. Where other sexual partners were involved, the possibility of HIV infection and other sexually transmitted diseases must be faced early. Couples who continue to learn about healthy sexuality will do better as they address these sexual issues.


Spirituality: Couples who grow spiritually together have hope that a power greater than themselves is also involved in the re-creating of their relationship.


HOW TO GET HELP
A therapist trained in sexual addiction is an invaluable recovery tool for both the individual and for the relationship. Some addicts and coaddicts benefit from intensive outpatient services or possibly inpatient treatment. For information on such services, write or call the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity.

Secret Phone Sex

Q. My partner and I haven't had sex in months. I suspect he's spending nights doing phone sex. I asked him about this, and he denied it.

Whether or not your partner is indeed engaging in phone sex, your relationship is in trouble. Go together to see a couples counselor, preferably one who is knowledgeable about how the phone sex can affect relationships. If your husband is unwilling to go, then it is very likely that he is hiding some behavior. In this case, it would be helpful for you to see a counselor alone in order to sort out your options.

Sex Work Bibliography (Ancient Times)

Bibliographies on Protitution in Ancient Times

Ancient Prostitution

J. Massyngberd Ford, "Prostitution in the Ancient Mediterranean World: BTB Reader's Guide" Biblical Theology Bulletin 23 (1993):128-134
L.F. Henriques, Prostitution and Society vol. 1 (1962)
W.A. Krenkel, "Prostitution" in Civilization in the Ancient Mediterranean (1988) vol. 2:1291-1297
S. Leontsini, Die Postitution im fr|her Byzant (Vienna Dissertation 1989) ISBN 3-85369-739-9
G. Lerner, "The Origin of Prostitution in ancient Mesopotamia" Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 11 (1986):236-254
Greek Prostitution

Note: Read about Prostitutes and "Companions" and about "Companions" and Freedom of Speech with Men in Professor Thomas Martin's Overview of Archaic & Classical Greek History, available from the Perseus Project. See also the Perseus Encyclopedia entry on Aspasia, and some vases depicting prostitutes.

W. S. Anderson, "Love Plots in Menander and His Roman Adapters," Ramus 13 (1984) 124-34
P. Brown, "Plots and Prostitutes in Greek New Comedy," Pap. of Leeds Int'l Seminar 6 (1990) 241-66
______, "Love and Marriage in Greek New Comedy," CQ 43 (1993) 184-205
E. Fantham, "Sex, Status, and Survival in Hellenistic Athens: A Study of Women in New Comedy," Phoenix 29 (1975) 44-74
E. C. Keuls, "The Hetaera and the Housewife: the Splitting of the Female Psyche in Greek Art," Mededelingen van het Nederlands Instituut te Rome 44/45 (1983) 23-40
E. Keuls, Reign of the Phallus: Sexual Politics in Ancient Athens. Berkeley, 1993 BMCR
M. Halperin, "The Democratic Body," in OHYH, chapter 5
R. F. Sutton, Jr., "Pornography and Persuasion on Attic Pottery," in PRGR 3-35
D. Wiles, "Marriage and Prostitution in Classical New Comedy," Themes in Drama 11 (1989) 31-48
Roman Prostitution

Most of this material is from ANCIEN-L, submitted by Tim Parkin (Victoria Univ. Wellington, NZ), Arthur Pomeroy (Victoria Univ. Wellington, NZ) and David Schaps (Bar Ilan Univ., Tel Aviv, Israel).

J.N. Adams, Latin Sexual Vocabulary (1982)
J.N. Adams, "Word for Prostitute in Latin" RhM 126 (1983): 321-358
R.S. Bagnall, "The Prostitute tax in Roman Egypt" Bull. Am.Soc.Papyr 28 (1991):5-12
J.P.V.D Balsdon, Roman Women (1962), esp. pp. 224-234
J. Boswell, Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality (1980): 61-78
J.F. Gardner, Women in Roman Law and Society (1986): 132-134; 221ff.
H. Licht, Sexual Life in Ancient Rome (1934)
T.J. McGann, "The Taxation of Roman Prostitutes" Helios 16 (1989) 79-110
A. Richlin, "Not Before Homosexuality..." Journal of the History of Sexuality 3 (1994): 523-574
N. Rudd, Themes in Roman Satire (1986): 193-225
J.P. Sullivan, "Martial's Sexual Attitudes" Philologus 123 (1979):288-302