Anal Sex FAQ

For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Buttfucking makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds technical. In the 1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the virus that causes Aids, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse.

But some people love anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven't tried it yet and are curious. And many people are attracted to it precisely because it's so taboo and mysterious.

What is analingus?

One other part of the body that some people enjoy licking, or having licked, is the anus. The anus has half the nerve endings in the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be sexually arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet as part of this series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases that live quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be harmful in your mouth or stomach. Performing anilingus is a very risky behavior for a variety of bacterial infections. Refer to the section on safer sex techniques for ways to protect yourself if you or your partner enjoys this activity.

Does anal sex hurt?

Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong. With enough lubricant and enough patience, it's entirely possible to enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your sex life. However, some people may never like it, and if your lover is one of those people, respect their limits. Don't force the idea upon them.

Can anal sex actually give pleasure?

The pleasure of anal sex is derived from many things. Doing something "nasty" appeals to many people, especially about sex. Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has become something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical sensations available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else. The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the brain to 'reward' you with good feelings when stimulated. For men, the prostate gland can be a source of powerful pleasure. And for a thrusting penis, the ring of the anus can be a new and strong sensation to enjoy.

What do I need to have anal sex?

The most important pieces of advice anyone can give on anal sex are: lubricants, condoms, and patience. The most commonly available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless substance available at most drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide, ID, Wet, or ForePlay, some of which are available at better drug stores, and most of which are available in some form at adult toy stores.

Do not buy anything that is oil-based. Make sure the lubricant you buy is rated "condom compatible." Nothing else will do. Oil-based lubricants such as vaseline or baby oil will destroy a condom long before you're done having sex. And many oil-based sub-stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a haven for many potential infections.

Do I have to use a condom?

Even if you're sure that both you and your partner are disease- free, you should still use a condom. The rectum is home to lots of infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of the penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.

I'm worried that anal sex will be messy.

Anal sex should not be messy. Most first-timers fear that it will be, but most people can tell when they have to go. A condom will help with cleanup, of course, and if you're really concerned, a commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.

How do we prepare for anal sex?

Patience is the third and final thing you need to make anal sex possible. Initial penetration is always the most difficult part of anal sex -- the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening of the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste. It is partially under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to stimulation. Your partner has to relax, and you have to go slow to coax it into opening enough to receive your penis.

Start with a well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your penis) dildo. The dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can flex and feel what they're doing inside her ass. Slide one finger in slowly, letting her adjust to it. Take your finger all the way out, then push it back in again. Give her anus time to get used to this kind of activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how big your penis is and realize that two fingers is probably enough.

What position should we use for anal sex?

For actual intercourse, picking a position can be important. Many women want to be on top, to regulate how fast penetration occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch doggy-style, or to be penetrated while lying on their sides. Choose what's best before you start.

As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of lubricant. People who like anal sex say that "too much lube is almost enough." Listen to her -- if she tells you it starts to hurt, back off.

Eventually, a time will come during your lovemaking where her anus will relax enough to allow the head of your cock to 'pop' into her. If she is completely relaxed, that pop should feel completely painless. Now just because you're inside her is no reason to start pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust. Take your time. Eventually you will both be ready for more.

Can I get pregnant from anal sex?

It is not technically possible to get pregnant from anal sex; there is no way for semen to get from the rectal tract to the vaginal tract.

However, anal sex is still not a very good method of birth control. Semen leaking from the anus after intercourse may drip across the perineum (the short stretch of skin separating vulva and anus) and cause what is known as a 'splash' conception. The failure rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who use anal sex as a method of birth control have babies each year.

What if I don't like it?

You may find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine. Nothing says that you have to indulge in something that doesn't make you feel good.

Ending Premature Ejaculation

What exactly is premature ejaculation?

Ejaculation that occurs prior to when a man wishes, or too quickly during intercourse to satisfy the partner. When most males ejaculate they tend to quickly lose a usable erection for the simple reason that their discharge has temporarily released a state of elevated sexual tension.

What are the causes of premature ejaculation?

It seems logical that our prehistoric male ancestors were all rapid ejaculators. The Homo Erectus who could couple quickly with his mate and rapidly reach ejaculation was then free to deal with enemy tribesman and predatory sabre-toothed tigers. The slowpoke got clubbed or eaten. Therefore, only rapid ejaculators survived long enough to sire descendants. Thus, if speed of ejaculation were hereditary, we all should have fast ejaculatory reflexes.

Obviously, the above theory cannot be proven; however, it does contain an element of truth. It is probably "natural" for healthy males to ejaculate quickly. Lasting longer serves no genetic function that we know of.

Lasting is a learned behavior, like learning to dance. It can prolong and intensify pleasure for a man. Also, many women like to experience orgasm - or have been socially conditioned to enjoy orgasm - when the erect penis is inside them. To reach orgasm this way often requires periods of more or less continuous stimulation by the penis.

Premature ejaculation is sometimes also caused or aggravated psychological factors such as guilt, fear, and performance anxiety.

The first thing a male must hold in mind is that good sex is unhurried sex. The longer he spends in foreplay prior to his first orgasm, the stronger and more enjoyable that first orgasm will be. The compacting of blood in the sex organs builds slowly, inflating the tissues and sensitizing the millions of nerve endings in and around the genitals.

Think of an orgasm like a balloon: the longer you blow air into it, the bigger it gets and the louder the bang when it pops.

Orgasm consists of two stages. One begins with the prostate gland, which encircles the urethra like a tiny donut above the base of the penis, contracts and releases its fluids, along with the contents of the seminal vesicle, into the urethra. To most males this feels like you are going to start a good sneeze, but it's too late to stop. Stage two is similar to the sneeze itself. The pelvic muscle contracts strongly around the bulb, forcing the fluid out under considerable pressure. Orgasm is what a man feels when all this is happening. He has probably learned for himself that it is possible to ejaculate without having an orgasm, but he may not yet realize that he can also have an orgasm without ejaculating. That's exactly what you want to learn to do.

The average male in his twenties takes less than three minutes from the time of insertion till he comes. This cheats him of a lot of fun and satisfaction and doubly cheats the unfortunate female he prematurely has an orgasm into.

How do I prevent premature ejaculation from happening?

The most common treatment of premature ejaculation is to become more familiar with the feelings and sensations surrounding the time leading up to ejaculation. By learning to become more familiar with these sensations, you can slowly learn how to predict when the upcoming ejaculation will occur and gain more control over them. This is known as your point of no return.

If you want to be able to enjoy long periods of intense pleasure without ejaculation, you need to discover your point of no return. Masturbate and concentrate on you feelings. There is a point at which you will not be able to control your ejaculation anymore. At that point, as hard as you try, you cannot stop yourself from ejaculating. You will have to ejaculate because ejaculation is a reflex: your brain sends messages through your spinal cord to your sex organs and orders ejaculation.

Once you have successfully discovered your point of no return, do not let your arousal reach this point. You can either change your position or stop moving.

Other techniques you may consider are the "stop and start" and the "squeeze" methods.

The "stop and start" method. When, during thrusting, you feel yourself getting closer, cease all movement and press the pubic bone (under your pubic hair) against your mate's pubic bone, thus pushing your penis in all the way. Then both stop moving. (Tell her, "Resting time, love.") When the urgency to ejaculate subsides, start thrusting again. Do this several times in a row. It can also be practiced solo, using your hand instead of a vagina. A variation of this technique is to make several voluntary twitching movements of the penis while you are resting. This can be done by rapidly flexing and relaxing the muscles that control the flow of urine. Try to identify this muscle contraction next time that you urinate. This muscle is known as the PC muscle and is described clearly in the Multiple-Orgasm section below.

The "squeeze technique" method. This method, which has been proven highly successful in training men to last longer described in a book by Dr. Herbert E. Vendervoort and Rev. Ted Mcilvenna. This technique can also be practiced alone during masturbation.

One stimulates himself until he has had a firm erection for a while, squeezes, and repeats the process several times. After several squeezes, one should have much more intense ejaculation than usual.

During the no-intercourse period, the couple should explore one another sensually, caressing one another's bodies with hands and mouth or by any other means, short of intercourse, that are pleasurable to both. If the man's penis becomes erect while his mate is caressing it, she can, at any time that feels right to her, apply the squeeze to his penis. Preferably this should take place before the man feels himself on the verge of ejaculating. IF the women does the squeeze several times at her discretion, it can become part of her lovemaking technique.