Celibacy Ken

Why Am I celibate?
This question has come up so much that I thought I would answer it with this short file. Here are my answers to this question-in no particular order:
1) Two relationships which ended very badly taught me more about the ugly side of human nature than I ever want to know. The experience of loving two people very deeply in the last five years and then having them return my love with cruelty, selfishness, and indifference to my welfare, health and life cured me of adolescent romanticism forever. Yes, I know that not all relationships are like that; but now I know that many are ike that.

2) I want a break from the very labor intensive search that goes into finding a suitable partner. It's a lot of work...and may not be worth the enormous investment of time, money and energy that one must put into it to even hope to be successful. I am tired of looking!

3) I am in graduate school and need lots of free, uncomplicated time to finish my degree.

4) I used to enjoy solitude very much when I was younger. I would like to recapture that spirit of thoughtfulness, mindfulness, intellectual and spiritual seeking that celibacy makes possible. I miss some parts of that period of my life.

5) Sex is terribly overrated. It is more banal than many people are willing to admit. The "solution", the "cure", for that banality for some people is to keep switching partners to find that "honeymoon" feeling again-over and over. This strikes me as immoral, dangerous and a sad attempt to find in sex what was never there to begin with.

6) I am an anglican christian. By being celibate, I am living by the moral standards of my faith. I have not always done so but it is a great feeling to have a clear conscience simply because I am doing the right thing- rather than because I have rationalized and excused my actions.

7) A part of me is an introvert. Without a good deal of "space" for myself and my thoughts, I am at my wits end. Silence is a healing balm.

8) I do not and have never wanted children. Some single people my age (early forties) lament the fact that they do not have children. I honestly never think about it. I like children-other peoples children.

9) I am very interested in cultivating friendships with high minded individuals who are also living a celibate life. It seems to me that there must be a lot of fascinating people in this "sub-culture of celibacy" who are doing more with their life than just chattering away about relationships (the most overused word in the english language in the 1990's), their wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, children and grandchildren; and I want to find them. I've seen the other way. It's time to explore another part of humanity.

10) Marriage requires not only the skill of one person but the additional compatibility of another person in order to achieve individual happiness If a celibate is unhappy, he has no one to blame but himself.

I hope this answers your questions.

I am amazed at how many people have somehow taken my celibacy as a threat to them. My guess is that a lot of people are up to something that they probably shouldn't be involved in and are feeling defensive and guilty about it. You could always make use of the sacrament of penance, if this is what is bothering you.

Some people also criticize these reasons as not being spiritual enough. I can only be as spiritual as I, in fact, am. To pretend to be more so is lying. My reasons are honest; not necessarily inspiring.

I know this is not for everyone. This is not an attempt to recruit, only an explanation.

I wish you peace and happiness in your own life.