SEX WITH CLIENTS

by The Working Girl


Every trade has its secrets, and the sex industry is no different. For many other trades there are many ways to learn about how to do it, but there are relatively few ways to learn the fine points of being a sex worker. That's one of the things I think is great about this newsletter. And why this article is about having sex with clients.

Now I am sure that most of you have had sex with men. But having sex with a client is very different from having sex with your lover or even a guy you picked up at a party. As sex workers, I feel that it's our job not simply to make our bodies available, but to orchestrate the sexual action, either subtly or overtly, in order to ensure a positive experience for you as a worker and for him as a client. With some clients, that will be easy, but with others, oh well, let's just call them high-management clients.

For the purposes of this article, we are going to assume that your client is a man, and that you are a biological female with all your bits functioning in the usual way. We are also assuming that your client is someone who is not going to harm you intentionally - safety on the job deserves a whole article by itself. And we are assuming he is not a cop.

Getting Started with a Passive Client

So you are there with a client, you have had a few minutes of chitchat, and it's time for someone to make the first move. Many clients get really passive in this situation. They are nervous. They want you to make the first move. When it's time to get the action going and they seem kind of frozen, I usually say something like, "So, have you been working really hard, darling? Keeping busy?" I bet it would feel really nice for me to give you a massage." No one will turn this down and it makes a subtler transition, which means less feeling of pressure. It's amazing to me that men feel performance anxiety with prostitutes, but they do.

So, now we have clothes off. Watch him for a cue as to whether to actually do any massaging or not - sometimes the words were all they needed, and they will be ready to start being sexual. Other times you will need to rub them a bit. If you have massaged a few minutes and he is still lying very still on his stomach, try lying down beside him, while still caressing his back with one hand. If he still is not being active at all (and this has happened to me!) whisper to him sexily, "Why don't you turn over and let me do the other side." When he does, stroke his chest and stomach for a bit and then lightly begin to touch his genitals. He may never move, and just let you completely control the entire episode. In that case I would use my hand for a while, put a condom on him and go down on him, and then get on top. With a man like this, one has to work on the assumption that if he wanted something other than what you were doing he would ask for it. It can be mildly frustrating to have a very passive and uncommunicative client, but he can be a good client for a beginning sex worker.

The Over-Active Client

At the other end of the spectrum, we have the type of client who is a bit over-active. Sometimes it is also a reaction to nervousness. One way it plays out is in the client who insists that they give you pleasure, meaning: an orgasm. This happens a lot of the time - if I had a dollar for every client who said, "I really want you to enjoy this. I get pleasure from giving a woman pleasure" - well, I'd have to get a bigger safe deposit box at the bank, that's for sure. Sometimes they mean well, but it may feel to you like a lot of emotional pressure. Some friends and I used to joke that the five words we hated mose from a client were, "Tell me what you like." We felt pressured to pretend as if we were attracted to and sexually aroused by our clients. Now every client wants to feel he is liked and that he is a good lover, but some clients want so much reassurance that they are emotionally draining. Dealing with this means making good boundaries about what you are willing to give to someone emotionally and sticking to them. Fake one orgasm, not seven. It also means enforcing the physical ones as well - if you aren't comfortable letting guys go down on you (and lots of them will want to!) then sweetly but firmly say no.

Getting this man going isn't usually the problem it's getting him to stop tinkering with you and have his own orgasm! I would suggest telling him you like being on top (this works for either oral sex or intercourse). Once you are up there, it's easier to control the action. I would begin saying things like, "Baby, you made me feel so good, now it's time to let me make you fel good. You made me come so nice I want to do that for you." Save a bit of acting energy for the moments you are trying to get him to come - it'll happen easier if you can convince him you are coming too.

Rarely but sometimes one does get the client who needs a lot of physical management (if you are getting them frequently, you should be working someplace else). Frequently they are big guys who don't realize how much bigger and stronger they are than you, and who have little sexual savior-fare.

So let's say you are having sex with a client who is good-natured but has all the sexual finesse of a bull in a china shop, and that china shop is your pussy. This guy pushes his face into your crotch like he is trying to return to the womb, and then he squashes you doing that missionary thing! If you think it's going to be a fairly quick encounter, here is how to do damage control: if he doesn't have a huge penis, try to get him to do it doggie style. That way he has the least amount of contact with your body. It's best to get him to stand up beside the bed while you kneel on it. You can also put your legs together while in this position, creating a tighter fit for him and simultaneously keeping him from penetrating you too deeply. if he is drawing his penis all the way out before sliding it back in, reach back and put one hand over your asshole. This way he won't slip and accidentally shove his dick into your ass. If he asks you what you are doing, then say, "Oh baby, it's all wet back there. I wouldn't want you to go the wrong way." This also works when you are on your back being fucked by a man who is drawing his penis all the way out before sliding it back in. Minimizing contact during oral sex usually means you getting on top, or at least getting a good grip on a handful of hair.

If he is still causing you discomfort in spite of your best efforts, you may have to stop him for an informational lecture about how to handle your body. Phrase it politely: "Baby, you don't know how strong you are! I am a delicate little flower, and you are bruising my petals."

The thing to remember with clients is that if you are angry they are more likely to get defensive. Saying what you want in a gentle way, in a way that sounds like it's as much for their benefit as it is yours, leaves them a face-saving out. They can do as you wish without admitting they did anything wrong. Remember that we are in a customer-service industry, but at the same time, don't suffer in silence if someone is causing you discomfort. Just say it with a smile. Anyone who will not stop doing something you do not like, however, is an asshole and should be gotten away from as fast as possible. Give the money back if you have to, but don't let anyone hurt you.

Over the years, people have made comments to me about prostitution being easy money. I correct them by saying that prostitution is fast money, but it is not easy! When you are with a client, you have to be alert and aware of everything that is happening all the time. First and foremost you want to ensure that nothing happens that you don't want to happen, and that means being very in touch with your own boundaries at all times. It also means knowing how to voice them if something takes a turn you don't like. I know I always wind up writing about this, but it is something I feel very strongly about! I am convinced that this is the reason I have stayed safe and happy throughout the twelve-plus years in the sex industry.